(Fortunes I had saved and taped to my chalk board in my room at 1245 Pine Ave)
I guess I'm struggling with my direction in life at this point. I suppose that I always have been now that I think about it. Looking at where I stand today I can safely say that I have a lot of open options and each contains promise for success in each area, but the problem is that I can't decide what I want to invest my time and effort into. I know it sounds like the dribble of every other twenty something college grad, but I mean, it's kind of a big deal. No, actually it's a huge deal. It comes down to what do I want to do with the rest of my life. The catch-22 is that I don't really understand what life is to begin with. Think about it. What is this situation that we find ourselves in day in and day out? It's life, I know that, but what does that mean? I don't get it, and yet I'm supposed to define the rest of it by the choices I make in the next few years? Yeah, like that's going to work out really well. No wonder our society is so screwed up. We've been making decisions of epic proportions about a thing we don't even understand to begin with.
This is what I know for sure: I don't want to screw up this odd ball existence. I don't want to squander it by chasing some falsified dream that has deluded our society for a long time. I don't want to waste it getting caught up in dollar signs and trying to compete with the monetary wealth of my peers. I know that whatever life is, that's not it. Even if a lot of people chalk theirs up to those pursuits it's just not something that I'm willing to cash in on. No, I want the real thing. The realest of the real. I don't want to hide the mystery and beauty of this surreal state of existence. It would be counter intuitive to trick myself into believing that I have discovered concrete answers to the big questions that humanity doesn't even have the capacity to effectively ask let alone to grasp what the answer ends up being. No, I think those might be the mysteries that the universe is going to keep hidden in her hand until the jig is finally up and all the cards are laid down on the table. Then will it matter anyway? If the end of me unfolds into some sort of moment of complete enlightenment right as it's all over does it suit me to obsess over those questions now? Or would it be better for me, and everyone else that struggles with this, to just go with the flow and try and just live for the betterment of yourself and those around you? It seems like that is all that we can hope to do in this bizarre situation. The entropy of the universe is going to continue in spite of our best efforts to make the intangible tangible. Things are going to get more complex and weird as we go forward from here. That's just the way the program works, and if we don't understand it now then how will we ever be able to understand it as things get bigger and harder to connect? The universe is expanding after all.
Okay, so that didn't solve anything, but enough of the philosophical musing. What follows from here is what has been, is, and will be happening to me. Life has been hectic as hell over the last two months. I moved out of my college house of 4.5 years (I need to write a dedicated post to 1245 Pine Ave, it deserves it) so that has been extremely tough. My clothes are momentarily hung in the spare bedroom closet of my sister's apartment, but how long they will stay there remains to be seen. For her sake it would be better if they weren't stored there for too terribly long. This week I am keeping house for my aunt and uncle in Murfreesboro. They are away on holiday celebrating his 50th birthday in the British Virgin Island, lucky them I hope they are having an absolute blast. The good news is that they have some cool dawgs to hangout with and I have gotten to catch up with some friends who live here that I haven't seen in awhile. Plus, they're paying me to crash which will help fund Bonnaroo next week. So that's what I've been doing, and am currently doing, but I'm about to be doing a lot more worth talking about. Next week is Bonnaroo, which ranks higher than Christmas on my list of anticipated events each year, so I'm extremely excited about that. Then on the 27th of this month I am bound for Japan. I'm planning on spending about three weeks bumming around the country and hanging out with one of my best friends, Taylor Hennessee. She's been over there studying as part of her master's degree in international relations.
Anyways, one of the few things I will definitely be doing more of is writing on this website. It helps me work through the tough questions even if it doesn't ever deliver any discrete answers. Anyways, that's all for now. Lunch time for the dawgies. Check back soon.
This is what I know for sure: I don't want to screw up this odd ball existence. I don't want to squander it by chasing some falsified dream that has deluded our society for a long time. I don't want to waste it getting caught up in dollar signs and trying to compete with the monetary wealth of my peers. I know that whatever life is, that's not it. Even if a lot of people chalk theirs up to those pursuits it's just not something that I'm willing to cash in on. No, I want the real thing. The realest of the real. I don't want to hide the mystery and beauty of this surreal state of existence. It would be counter intuitive to trick myself into believing that I have discovered concrete answers to the big questions that humanity doesn't even have the capacity to effectively ask let alone to grasp what the answer ends up being. No, I think those might be the mysteries that the universe is going to keep hidden in her hand until the jig is finally up and all the cards are laid down on the table. Then will it matter anyway? If the end of me unfolds into some sort of moment of complete enlightenment right as it's all over does it suit me to obsess over those questions now? Or would it be better for me, and everyone else that struggles with this, to just go with the flow and try and just live for the betterment of yourself and those around you? It seems like that is all that we can hope to do in this bizarre situation. The entropy of the universe is going to continue in spite of our best efforts to make the intangible tangible. Things are going to get more complex and weird as we go forward from here. That's just the way the program works, and if we don't understand it now then how will we ever be able to understand it as things get bigger and harder to connect? The universe is expanding after all.
Okay, so that didn't solve anything, but enough of the philosophical musing. What follows from here is what has been, is, and will be happening to me. Life has been hectic as hell over the last two months. I moved out of my college house of 4.5 years (I need to write a dedicated post to 1245 Pine Ave, it deserves it) so that has been extremely tough. My clothes are momentarily hung in the spare bedroom closet of my sister's apartment, but how long they will stay there remains to be seen. For her sake it would be better if they weren't stored there for too terribly long. This week I am keeping house for my aunt and uncle in Murfreesboro. They are away on holiday celebrating his 50th birthday in the British Virgin Island, lucky them I hope they are having an absolute blast. The good news is that they have some cool dawgs to hangout with and I have gotten to catch up with some friends who live here that I haven't seen in awhile. Plus, they're paying me to crash which will help fund Bonnaroo next week. So that's what I've been doing, and am currently doing, but I'm about to be doing a lot more worth talking about. Next week is Bonnaroo, which ranks higher than Christmas on my list of anticipated events each year, so I'm extremely excited about that. Then on the 27th of this month I am bound for Japan. I'm planning on spending about three weeks bumming around the country and hanging out with one of my best friends, Taylor Hennessee. She's been over there studying as part of her master's degree in international relations.
Anyways, one of the few things I will definitely be doing more of is writing on this website. It helps me work through the tough questions even if it doesn't ever deliver any discrete answers. Anyways, that's all for now. Lunch time for the dawgies. Check back soon.